Internal Family Systems Therapy: Origins, Types of Parts, and How to Heal
You’ve heard people talking about it, but you may be wondering for yourself; what is Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy? To answer that question, we have to go back to the 1980s, when Richard Schwartz was noticing a new pattern with his individual therapy clients.
Origins of IFS
Schwartz got his start doing family systems therapy. In this model, we observe that each of us exists not in a vacuum, but in the context of the people around us. In our families, we can fall into roles in interaction with each other. For example, in a two-parent family with a child experiencing depression, Parent A may become highly focused on helping their child increase their productivity and get active in their life again; meanwhile, Parent B may want their child to take a break and a rest, trusting that the child will heal in their own time. In this system, these parents may end up in increasingly polarized roles, as each feels that they are the only one who cares about (in A’s case) the child’s functioning or (in B’s case) healing. Meanwhile, the child in this system may feel increasingly shut down and withdrawn as their parents fight over them.
After working in family systems therapy, Schwartz began to notice that the same dynamics were replicated in his individual clients. For example, he would observe a client say things like, “I feel like I have to drive myself so hard at work or else I’ll be perceived as a failure; but then when I get home, I’m so exhausted that all I can do is lay on the couch and watch TV.” Schwartz noticed two parts at play here: a part that was pushing his client to work really hard, and a second part that reacted with shutting down and enforced rest as retaliation for all the work earlier in the day. Through further work, they would learn that these two parts were actually protecting a third part, the part that was holding a fear of failure. Through healing the part that held the fear of failure, the other two parts could be released from their extreme roles and refocus their efforts in a way that was supported by the client’s other parts, also known as their system.
Core assumptions of IFS
Over time, through his work with his clients, Schwartz developed the model now known as IFS. Some core tenets include:
Multiplicity of the mind: We all contain parts.
Positive intentions: Parts are always trying to help the system. Their intentions are always the wellness, protection, safety, or betterment of the individual (even if sometimes that’s not the impact). There are no bad parts.
Everyone has a Self: We all have within us a core calm, compassionate center who knows how to lead the system. At times, the Self can be obscured or hidden by parts, but it is always there.
Parts can change roles when their concerns are addressed and safety is established.
Types of parts
At this point, we recognize three different kinds of parts: two categories of protectors, and exiles.
Exiles
To understand the system, it helps to begin with the exiles. The exiles are the parts of us that often hold our most painful memories or experiences. They tend to be younger parts; they are the ones who have experienced our traumas and hold those memories. They are the parts that take on burdens of shame, fear, and pain through our most overwhelming experiences. Consider the moments and the feelings that you most don’t want to think about; chances are, an exile is holding them. We call them exiles because other parts of us have cast them out of the system. These are the thoughts, feelings, and memories that other parts of us want to protect us from, and those protectors will do what they can to keep the exiles at bay. But the exiles only become more desperate for their story to be told the further away they are kept. Here are some common examples of exiles:
A traumatic memory or memories
The belief that I am unloveable
The belief that I am not good enough
Feelings of shame, terror, or guilt
Managers
We have two kinds of protectors inside of us that try to keep us distant from the exiles. The first of these is the managers; these are the ones that are proactively trying to keep the exiles at bay. Managers are the ones that organize our lives such that we never have to feel the pain of the exiles. Managers can function in many different ways; they can keep us productive, work to manage our relationships, observe or make comments about our appearance, body, or choices. Here are some ways managers might try to prevent the above exiles from getting triggered:
A traumatic memory or memories → Avoid situations and circumstances that might remind us of these memories
The belief that I am unloveable → People-pleasing to keep relationships from ending; or, avoidance of relationships at all so that we don’t risk getting hurt
The belief that I am not good enough → “Workaholic” tendencies, high achievement to prevent criticism; or, internal criticism to prevent others from criticizing us
Feelings of shame, terror, or guilt → Distraction, keeping busy to avoid having to feel
Firefighters
Like the managers, firefighters are also trying to protect us from the exiles. However, where managers are acting proactively to prevent exiles from getting triggered, firefighters respond reactively after exiles have already been triggered. Firefighters are the ones who “quell the flames,” so to speak, of painful feelings and memories. Their goal is to soothe, calm, and quiet emotions in any way they can. Here is how they might respond to our above exiles getting triggered:
A traumatic memory or memories → Drinking, drug use, self-harm to soothe and quiet painful memories
The belief that I am unloveable → Sabotaging relationships when troubles arise
The belief that I am not good enough → Yelling, blaming, losing control towards others who threaten us
Feelings of shame, terror, or guilt → Binge-watching, doomscrolling, and numbing out
Healing
How do we heal in IFS? Healing energy comes from our Self, a calm, centered core within each of us that sometimes can become obscured when stressful events overwhelm our system. IFS therapy is all about reconnecting with the Self and bringing its healing energy towards our parts so that they can step out of their extreme roles. Parts often want healing and want to not have to work as hard as they’ve been working; exiles want their stories to be heard. If you’ve never felt a connection to your Self, that’s okay; IFS therapists are trained Self-finders and will help you connect with your parts from this centered place. Reading books like No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz and journaling can also help. Healing is possible. Feel free to reach out today if you’re interested in trying IFS therapy for yourself.
